I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
