Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
