I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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