carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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