I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
