Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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