i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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