It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
