I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
