when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
