It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize