he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
soo... how was my night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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