I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
