i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
