Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize