We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
