Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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