so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
