I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
