I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
