Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
