I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
