She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
