so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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