He uses pillows to masturbate.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
