The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
