She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
