It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
