Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
