One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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