Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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