So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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