So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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