ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
