Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
