I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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