What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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