2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
