okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
