i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
