You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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