If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Welp...herpes.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
