Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
