I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
