talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
