I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
