heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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