Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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