hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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