If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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