she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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