I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
