you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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