bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
