Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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