You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
