I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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