I cockslap morals
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
