I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
