Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Randomize
