Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
