My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
