Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
