It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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