Don't make out with my wife yet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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