I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
