There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
