I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
