So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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