filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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