i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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