Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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